Sometimes I’ll know things before I know them. For example I know the logarithmic and exponential relationships between equations that can be graphed on a two dimensional axis (i.e a line chart).
I can see these relationships spatially, I can picture graphs in my head and see the relationship visual change as I adjust the algorithm logarithmically or exponentially.
Despite being able to see these visual representations of equations – and relate them to some set of base variables… the mathematical construct to describe the chart is not immediately available to me. I need to sit down for a while and really think about it – write things down on paper. Sometimes spend hours on it to get a mathematical description of what I already see in my minds eye.
This process sucks! It’s so frustrating. I know what I see in my head but I really struggle to bring that into this world. I really wrestle with the translation from the higher level visualization to the concrete logical construct that describes the same thing.
Fighting through that frustration is hard. My brain doesn’t want to do the work. My emotions tell me to give up – I’m so dumb – I should know this – why can’t I describe what I already see. It’s so much easier to procrastinate, what’s this even for, why am I doing this thing, why am I intentionally putting myself through this mental anguish…
Fighting this shade is one of the hardest things… but I know I can do it. I just need to focus and think.
Sometimes this is motivating. I know I can do this… I have to… I have to tell the voice in my head that feels this frustration that it is worth doing- just to prove that I can. “I’ll show you!” I think back….
This process of information translation of what I see in my mind to a logical mathematical data structure feels a lot like I’m fighting to describe what I already know subconsciously..
Through my studies in the physical sciences and computer science I’ve learned all these mathematical relationships in the past. I’d sit and study for hours to understand how the math worked and how to apply that math to computing to optimize algorithms and bring real value into this world. (Optimize an algorithm and save computing resources for a company and they will pay you!)
But I haven’t visited a lot of that in years… the specifics of what I learned allude me but I understand the higher level relationships… I literally can visually see them.
It feels like I need to go re-learn what I’ve already learned. I need to pull from the subconscious and past memories to get back to the specifics.
It feels like I’m pulling from the subconscious to the upper levels of consciousness… like one extracting information that I both know and don’t know.
I think just like I can pull from the conscious to the unconscious I think the unconscious too can pull from the collective unconscious.
I think that’s the key to all physic experiences.
-Onas
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