One question I get asked a lot by neurotypicals is what does DID feel like? So I’ve heard the car or bus analogies before, they’re pretty good but even then normal people sorta give me a questioning look “Yeah but where did YOU go …. like what do you mean not at the front or at the wheel?”
So I as Onas am in control of the body but it’s a little like having the classic devil and angel (without the obvious religious connotation of course) on your shoulder. I can literally see them in a sort of very lucid daydream that feels more like an actual dream that I’m peering into… like I have maybe 30 degree vision like in the VR video games where they try to make motion sickness less of an issue. But when I focus more on it the view becomes larger and with practice I could find myself fully immersed in the day dream completely blocking out all five senses.
Like this one time I was trying to solve a software bug at work that was really bugging me (heh). I’m thinking internally and I’m like sparring ideas back and forth with Em and Sarah. Now Sarah is helpful and definitly somewhat rooted in left brain cause she’s more analytical. Em could give no shit about logic problems or code design. She’s definitely right brain she likes to be the creative and finds code frustrating and burdensome… we struggle with code more when she’s fronting.
Anyway Emily is not being helpful in the slightest and is in fact chiming in every now and then with anxiety about the stack of amazon packages we have yet to open and sort containing miscellaneous house shit not immediately needed. So eventually Emily got the idea to try to engage with Onas to spur some new ideas maybe, but more importantly to distract him from the senses… if he’s in the inside IIIII can be on the outside.
So Onas and Sarah debate the merits of my suggestion, whatever the hell I said must have worked because I can now snatch the front hehehe. Now time to open these packages and deal with this mess. In the meantime I know Onas and Sarah are still talking, like I can hear them but am just ignoring them like Onas is so good at doing as former(?) host. So I have now achieved being able to deal with this software garbo without ACTIVELY thinking about it.
A few moments or so later I’m scissors in hand and not near half way through this mountain of jeff bazos boxes and I hear Onas go eureka! annnnnd boom he’s back like what the hell? How did I get half way across the room and wait are these scissors in my hand. EMILY! She and Sarah just snicker as I abandoned the manual labor to test the fix I had in mind.
To Onas it was like waking up from a dream, but now the body is standing up in the middle of some other active task. Sorta like the feeling of going in and out of lucidity with alcohol.
-Onas/Em
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